Page 2 of comments on An Unhappy Marriage: How to Know When It's Really Over
by Larry Bilotta
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I am just been 2 years marriage and literally my husband doesnt meet my needs (not material) Ive talked to him many times, we have a baby and he still want us to be like when we were dating, young and free..he hasnt mature yet as a dad and husband, he just ignoring me and our baby..he thinks being a good dad and husband is work to paid the bills... isnt that call "child support"?same prob here..my son makes me stay wth him..wish getting over sum one u love ws so easy
Depressed, many times, in the past. Ready to go, many times, in the past. Realizing that i am not what i used to be, perhaps 'more than once'. Seeing that time passed, realizing that i am not what I used to be is "challangeing". I can speak of what i did or how i screwed up but this is not the point. We all get married for one reason or another. Some of us grow out of it, some don't. But the final point is, i am 73 years of age and i could never be happier in my life. I got divorced two times and i had two children from those marriages. But what i have right at this moment is what i have always wanted. Don't tell me your life is over if you are 35. Things happen. We are all human. You'd be surprised how things work out. Both of my kids love me and i talk to both of my ex's every months to make sure they are all right. Sometimes i can barely hear them on the phone [i have hearing machines on both of my ears] but hearing them makes life all right. Even, typing this massage without a mistake took me two hours. And you know what, i don't care. Many can critisize this massage and i know they will but life is not about that.
We all screw up and i certainly did in the past.
You have an amazing perseverance! what an inspiration and great optimism! Thank you for your intelligent advice. This will keep me going in life! Thank you thank you - your two hours has help me re look at life.Not sure I understand: Are you single now and happy you left the two marriages, or did you leave and then ultimately find a love that you are happy with? I appreciate your message and would like to know what you mean. Thanks! Glad to hear you are happy! I ask because I am in a second marriage, not happy from the start, and have been not wanting to fail a second time -- but even without divorce, it is still a failure...
My husband makes no effort to do anything with me. He will move mountains to go out with the guys but with me there are all these rules. To go out on our boat it can't be windy, it has to be early, early a.m. (I don't do early a.m.) he has to fish most of the time and he has to have plenty of beer. So we don't go out on the boat. We don't do anything together. Now he can't do walking. It hurts his legs to walk. He can go hunting and walk for miles but he can't do Disney or anything I would like to do. I know why though. With his friends he gets drunk and they act like idiots. I don't get drunk. I'm no fun. He smokes pot, like several times a day. He has no plans for the future. In fact the entire future is dumped on my shoulders. Even his pot smoking parents are my problem. Who will take care of them in a few years? Not their son. He can't even make a visit to them and they are less than 5 hours away. No, the future is for me alone to figure out. He can't even pay attention long enough to discuss our future. I want someone to share my ambitions with, someone who will take me out and not have to be high to do it. I think about suicide all the time but my religion keeps me from it. I think I may have to leave this marriage to save myself.Ouch. It sounds like your spirit is really breaking in this marriage. Do you know that you are in a cycle of abuse with him? It sounds like he has set your dynamic up to benefit him self and take your energy. But the thing is you are allowing it. You are not his mother, you are not his care taker...you are his partner. Please leave this marriage and let somebody who deserves you love you. Love yourself enough to recognize how you are contorting yourself to stay somewhere you are not even welcome. There is nothing to fear by walking away other than happiness. You won't repeat the same mistakes again so don't fear that. Write down all your dreams, then go for them. You have much to offer, offer it to someone who can appreciate it and in turn inspire you. Marriage was an idea, it was imagined by people...don't let those ideas be your chains. God created love, choice and freedom. Don't fear yourself and what you need, embrace it.
I read all of these comments and what if 8 months into the marriage your husband has an affair . I stayed then again 2 years and Now three years . I have since then quit my job had another baby and have no where to turn but this marriage has taken a toll on ME ! I just want it to be over I am scared to go to counseling because it may work and I am where I hate this man I know my kids love their dad but he he no good to anybody, Let's not even mention the the 4 he had before we got married that I just fount out about
I wish my wife could understand. We have been married for 2 and a half years. When we met she was living with her sister, she was greatly depressed in that situation, i asked her if she wants to move in with me, and we moved in together just weeks after we met. It was happy happy for a few weeks after that. We got married 3 months after we moved in an apartment. She had also brought along a very rowdy dog that @#$@#&*ed and poo'd every where. I tried to talk her into letting it go, but no, then she brought along another dog that had been rescued from another one of her sisters that has bipolar disorder. Both of those dogs ruined everything i had. They @#$@#&*ed every where. I begged her to let them go but no, twice she threw a fit and left to go live with her sister because the dogs kept @#$@#&*ing on everything and it kept making me angry. It was as if she kept the dogs way above me. Then my parents came to visit us, they were staying with us for a week or so, my wife stayed at her sisters the entire time, only came home to take her things, as my parents sit in shock that what had happened. That truly made me mad. I value her parents, i even told her that i am willing to take care of them if need be. And she would go and disrespect mine like this. Then the third time she claimed that she's unhappy and wants a divorce, 9 months into our marriage. Then she got pregnant, hurray, what a great displeasure, the whole pregnancy, depression, disgust, she would argue over the smallest things. Then we moved into another apartment close to my work. The first thing her dogs do is start @#$@#&*ing all over the place. I get mad, pull on one of those dog's leashes and she storms out claiming that i abuse animals and an animal abuser can not be a good father, so she wants a divorce so she can go raise her child by her self, that goes on two days, she comes back, stays. Our child is born, nearly 1.5 year into our marriage, i am happy as hell. The dogs still keep their routing, @#$@#&*ing all over the place. I told her that i've had enough, you cant raise a child in a house full of dog @#$@#&*, she finally lets them go, but has blamed me for it since. Now more than two years of our marriage have passed, our child is about 16 months old, she claims that she has been unhappy since the day we met, she never wanted to have a child, she loves me but she isnt in love with me, we have no sex life, none, the last time we had sex was probably three months ago, and the other time was three months before that. All this time, i was enrolled full time in school, i worked 64 hours a week, make sure that all the bills are paid, and everything taken care of. I have literally been working 7 days a week for the past two years, not one day off. And all this time, contrary to her own claims, she has become more and more fatter and abusive, she claims its depression, or PMS, but bullflippinshyt, you cant keep pulling out the PMS card everytime that you're unhappy. I have to wash my own clothes, i have to collect the dishes strewn about the apartment and wash them, there are three full size laundry buckets ALWAYS sitting in the bedroom, the whole place is upside down, when i try to clean she starts shouting that i do not know ho to clean and shove things in places, and i tell her that how can you live like this, walking on things, i hate stepping on objects that could very well be picked up and placed into a cabinet. I dont know i got here, she is in a constant state of unhappiness, and shouts about stuff and i never, never once shouted or insulted her, and she claims that she does that because when she's angry i shut down, i dont say a word, its because i try to diffuse the situation instead of escalating it. Some days i wonder, i could kick this bytch out in an instant and tell her to take that child with her, i can afford her child support, hell i can afford her every expense, but then i wonder what my child is going to grow as. I love my son, i cant wait to get home so i can see him running around hurling stuff about, but this woman has made it clear that it will not last long. I dont know, i am an honest, hard working man, i dont drink, i dont smoke, i dont have any friends to spend time or money on, or any expensive habits, all i have is for my wife and my child. I try to mend our relationship every day, every single day, i tell her that i love her, that i love our child and we'll be alright, but it doesnt seem to work. I am tired of coming home to a one bedroom apartment in complete disarray, i am tired of collecting and washing dishes, i am tired of sitting next to a person who i dont even know any more, but i want this to work, i dont want my marriage to end, i dont know where she gets the idea that being a single mother will be so much better than what we have now, what she has right now is comfort of a nice place, if she keeps it nice, i make sure she has money in her wallet, she has a car, three flippin strollers, the child is well fed, no shortage of diapers, our fridge is full to the brim with stuff, our cabinets are packed. What is it that she is not understanding i dont know. I dont know how to tell her that i do not want her to go. I want our lives to be normal and we best enjoy each other's company, but she doesnt want any part of it. I am clueless. I fear, every day, that i'm gonna get home from work and she will be gone. And why, i dont know, i am a loving person, never insulted anybody, never raised my voice let alone my hands on her. Is it me or is it her, ow what is it? am i a bad person to be around or do i deserve better, the hell is going on here. I wish some one could come over and talk sense to her, so she could realize that taking a good, comfortable life for granted will cost her dearly, and saying that she will be better off by her self is a pipe dream that many of her friends are living. That is where i think she gets her ideas, those women are single mothers who live a constant hard life, for what reason. How can you glorify that life, and strive for it, instead of a loving home where your husband is willing to drink the water that you take a bath in and say nothing, no clue. I guess some times you just cant change people's minds. I wish my wife could understand that i love her dearly, i love our child more than anything else, it brings me all the joy in the world to come home to these guys for i have nothing of value other than them.You are such a good man. I felt you with your story. May God bless you and your family.Your wife should be so happy to have you in her life, you are really a good man. God bless you and your family.
I've been with my husband since grade 12, we lived together 5 years before we got married, been married 10 years now, we've got a son(3). My problem is we both suffer from depression, and that's not good for a household. We both work full time, when he gets home he just sits in front of the tv and i have to bath our child,prepare dinner, treat my sons wounds, then he even has the cheek to ask for something to drink. He never gives me any compliments, even tells me "who would want you" i'm 1.7m and 80kg, so i'm not skinny but also not FAT, i get NO hugs or anything unless he's got "needs" i'm so tired of it. Our son is very ill and is going for his 6th operation in november, i must be honest the only reason i'm still with him is because i feel our son needs both his parents, and if we were to split it would get bad, and my son would be the one who'll have to hear his mom is this or that. I figure maby i should push through till he's old enough to choose who he wants to live with....I'm just so TIRED, cant smile anymore, dont want to wake up in the morning.........
I am 25 yrs old and have been married for 3 1/2 years to my husband that i have been with for 8 years. We have two amazing children ages 4 and 2. I havent been happy in far to long. Our sex life has been non-existant since the day we got married. Besides that, he doesnt understand people work to pay bills. We are always behind and a few times have had major utilities shut off. I worry constantly about my children and the way he thinks is okay to live. We are broke because he chooses to spend money on things that arent needed for himself. I left him last summer, and after a month he cried and claimed he changed and understood that what he was doing was wrong. that he knew he needed to be home more, and more responsible with money ..and so on. So we moved home after another month he was back to the same crap. I am unhappy, lonely, and know that my children and I deserve better. I just dont know how. I guess i stil feel guilty but its the only way for him to understand he cant do this to us anymore. I spend my days either at work, or home with the kids, and cleaning. he doesnt show any responsibility with helping with anything, house work kids..ect. i am the only one employed right now, but instead of the kids being home with their father while i work, he sends them and pays a babysitter. i dont know what to do. i have lost all hope, and at this point i dont really care. my only concern is my children.
im so confused right now i dont know what to do
basically im 30 years old and iv been with my husband for 12 years from the age of 16. we have 5 beautiful kids together which i am very proud of. my problem is that unlike the previous posts, my husband is not a horrible man, the only problem i have with him is that the fact that he doesnt like to go out together, no romance etc etc....when i married him my family were against it especially my mother, she use to say i was too young and that i didnt know what i wanted in life......after our 8th anniversarie i did realise that he iss not the man for me,we are so diffrent its unbelivable we have stayed together for such a long time, the thing is that i do love him but i am most definetly not in love with him, my mother was right i was way to young to marry.....i want a husband that understands me, loves me so much that he would die for me just like i would for them...im so scared to leave because of my children number 1 and also what if i dont find my 'soul mate' what if there is not someone out there that is perfect for me, do i stay with my husband even though my heart is aching.....im only realising now after 12years of marriageI know how u feel we got married after being together for12 years
When I turned 30 I had an affair and left for 2 years
I fell in love but after 2 years he went back to his ex I was heart broken
Anyway long story short I went back to my husband worse thing I could of done
I'm not happy he's not happy and neither are our 3 boys we are always argueing we haven't slept in the same bed for 6 months and he is always angry I want to be excited when my partner comes home not hear his car pull up and dread him coming in the house ! I've tried to get him out and socialize but he would rather sit at home so we don't go out very offen together I can honestly say I don't love my husband ??
My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for seven. Six years ago he moved 900 miles away to complete his degree. When the degree was finished he never came back home. His visits and contributions to our family have been intermittent. He says he's coming home, but never provides a definite date. He's missed birthdays and holidays. His visits are infrequent. He says he loves me and I love him. Neither one of us wants a divorce, but this is not a marriage. We have three children and more than anything I want them to have a good father and I want him to want to take care of me and the children. I stay because I'm scared to be a single mother, although in essence I already am. I stay b/c I love my husband. But in days like today when I feel like I am not respected and my love is not reciprocated, I wish I had the courage to leave.
I have been married less than a year. I got pregnant at 20 and had my son at 21. When i was pregnant, i was unhappy but i thought it was just the hormones. I was so excited to become a mother but was never really sure i was in love with my husband. He is a good man, a good father to our son. He treats us well, i find myself crying for no reason, i'm depressed and so lonely. I feel like i am wasting my life at 21. I know we aren't very compatible, we argue and we can't stand the sound of each others voices. I'm so afraid of leaving. I want to be happy, but i can't see that happening with my husband. I miss that feeling of being in love and that spark i felt with others i dated. I never felt that for my husband he always felt more like a friend,.I find myself wishing i was with someone else or just free. I feel trapped and isolated. He refused a trial of separation and i believe it will be good fo us because i am painfully unhappy. I used to be happy and always positive. I resent others and am insanely jealousy of happy couples. This isn't like me i have always been a kind person full of life and love. I need help and i don't know how to get it.I was in the exact same situation. I had my daughter at 19 but her father was a complete idiot of which I didn't learn until after she was born. I met my now husband of 10 years and together for 13 and after the failed attempts at the guys that gave me the "spark", I decided to go for "the good guy". With him I never had the spark or attraction I just wanted someone I could be with..a good guy is what I thought I needed. I had to be intoxicated or high from weed to have sex and even then I had to imagine it was with someone else. Not because he wasn't attractive, I just wasn't attracted to him. I didn't think much of it because I knew that in a million years we would never really really be together... Here we are today and look at the forum I'm on. I'm now 36 years old and I met him when I was 21. Not a day goes by that I don't think about divorce but my faith in God and my now 3 children are why I stay. He pacifies me to no end. He knows how I feel. I feel like he's settling because this is NOT how a women would treat someone she's in love with. We don't even kiss. It's been at least a decade in a half, only pecks that I try to remove myself from. He doesn't care and thinks it will work out? I don't socialize because we are so different and not in a good way. I won't invite people over because I don't want them to see how miserable I really am. I make considerably more than him but I stopped working to try to help him find some balance in our relationship. Now I'm home everyday which is now worse because he's off work for the next 3 months and it's just been him and I. I just stay in the bed all day and dream about happiness and love until the kids get home. This is no way to live. For some reason I fight with this every day. Some days are ok and we're "ok" I feel like we're "partners/roomates" then. Other times, it's a job that is sucking me dry. I feel like I'm in cement. I've left before but he was so distraught and tried so hard to get me back I just gave it a try. I wish I would've left things the way they were. I could go on and on but my advice to you is DO NOT waste your life. You have plenty of time to find your Mr. Right. Do what's right for you. No one is perfect but you deserve to be with someone you want to be with. Even if it's not forever. We were born to love not regret.
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